Christmas Tree

It was a cool, and starless night, but the track is well lit. I could feel the heat from the cars. I rolled through the water box, which is a pool of water to help you spin your tires to make them warm for extra grip. After I smoked my tires a bit, I pulled up to the starting gate. When my car was in position the four blue lights glowed on the Christmas Tree, which is a tower of indicator lights. The smell of warm rubber and exhaust is simultaneously exhilarating and nauseating. Racing protocol insists you rev the engine. It confirms all is well and acts as a battle cry.

My Camaro was an automatic, so I didn’t have to manage a clutch. When racing, I used my left foot on the brake pedal. I pressed just enough so I wouldn’t move forward. The right foot was the gas. I tried to get just enough RPMs to twist my tires, but not roll forward. To start the race, the Christmas Tree goes through a specific lighting sequence. The drag strip I raced at most often had three yellows and a green light. As soon as the green light shines, GO! If you go too soon, a red light comes on to indicate a fault.

Yellow, yellow, yellow, green! My foot came off the brake, and I gave it 80% gas until my tires stopped spinning, then full throttle. This all happens so quickly, there isn’t time to think about the steps. Racing requires consistency, so I practiced launching over and over until it became muscle memory. This pattern is deeply ingrained. I sometimes even catch both my feet on the pedals at a red light.

We are very conditioned to accept autopilot or to engage muscle memory. Perhaps we get hungry when we walk in the door to the house, or crave a meal we see on tv, or we avoid a certain drink or food because we got sick on it. This last one is very powerful. Just the smell of certain things can make me feel sick to my stomach.

Similarly, we can be conditioned to have emotional responses to situations, like a flash of anxiety when we hear the email alert ding. The sudden feeling of anxiety is not about that email you just got. It is a conditioned response. Sometimes our feelings and responses are based on something in the past.

Is this a response to the present situation or a habitual response? Can I pause and pay attention to how I should really feel? Am I authentically responding to now?

Be curious, be kind, be whole, do good things.