Difficult

I never felt indifferent to a teacher in high school. I either loved them or despised them. Some were just too difficult to get along with. The more I disliked a teacher, the more sarcastic and disruptive I became. I hoped to show them how annoying they were and fix them. I thoroughly enjoyed it when they would make an error so I could precisely detail how wrong they were.

During my junior year, while sitting outside my vice principal’s office, a kind woman asked me to run an errand. I told her I didn’t think I was allowed to leave. She assured me it was ok and that was my role. So I got up to help, and the Vice Principal loudly asked, “Where do you think you are going?” The secretary had seen me in the office so frequently she thought my class period was office aide. We had a good laugh, and I signed up to be an office aide with her the following year.

I spent many more years of suffering with painfully difficult people. I finally realized my struggle was simply their difficulty in dealing with me. My problem was that I didn’t like how they acted when they had to manage me.

Sometimes, I defiantly, almost belligerently, wait for conflict to be resolved until the other person changes. It is possible I am the one in need of change. Rather than holding out, I should take the first step.

Is it possible that my struggle with you is primarily your need to cope with me? Do I create the difficulty we are trying to avoid? Can I take the first step to improve the situation for us all?

Be curious, be kind, be whole, do good things.